THE ISSUE: We at the Herald feel it is better to give than to receive. You, dear readers, have given us plenty to report about this year.
OUR STANCE: So we wanted to give something back to you. We hope you enjoy your holiday presents. But if we catch you regifting them, there will be consequences.
Popeye’s lovers, we give to you a buttery, imaginary biscuit. Apparently, money is so tight at the university that we can’t afford to put it in with your meal plan now.
• Sun Belt Commissioner Karl Benson, we give you a nice pair of sunglasses. Thanks for getting us into a bowl. Our future is so bright in our new conference that you’re going to need to wear shades.
• To President Gary Ransdell, we give you $3.7 million to help pay for your “unexpected” budget shortfalls. We’ll take this out of our one-time funds.
• To “Kenyans Boca” and the Student Government Association, we give you spell check. Don’t get us wrong, we love that you take the time every week to tweet out what’s happening in your meetings, just be a little more careful next tyme.
• To Parking Structure 1, we give you the gift of security cameras. Hopefully, we can stop the people who are going around slashing people’s tires. Our apologies to the people performing “illicit” acts in their cars.
• Dining Services, you guys look like you need some help with that “totally normal” maggot problem. Here’s some Raid to take care of that.
• To the international student body and out-of-state students, we give you WKU’s electric bill. What? You guys are already paying for everything else around here.
• To the WKU football team, we give you season passes to Beech Bend. Thanks for a roller coaster of a season.
• To the Capital One Mascot Challenge, we’re giving you 10,000 tweets, spaced out 15 a day. It’s only fair to return the favor.
• Finally, coach Bobby Petrino, can we tell you what WE want for Christmas? Since you’ll make at least $850,000 this year, you can throw us an iPad or two, right?
This editorial represents the majority of the Herald’s 9-member editorial board.