Are you a liberal or a conservative?

Many readers undoubtedly wonder where they fall on the political spectrum.

This being the case, I thought it might be useful to provide a quick way to tell which camp you belong to. For guidance with this task, I decided to use the approach pioneered some years ago by the imminent scholar Jeff Foxworthy.

So answer the following questions and find out which label best suits you.

If you have never been able to balance your checkbook, you might be a liberal.

But if you believe groceries should be paid for with gold dust, you might be a conservative.

If you believe the first immigrants to arrive here were inherently superior to later immigrants, you might be a conservative.

Although if you believe we are all immigrants to this country, you might be a liberal.

If you believe access to the best health care is a right, you might be a liberal.

But if you believe access to any health care is a privilege, you might be a conservative.

If you are pro-choice when it comes to abortion, you might be a liberal.

However if you are pro-choice when it comes to education, you might be a conservative.

If you believe owning a slingshot should require a license, you might be a liberal.

But if you believe automatic weapons should be available in vending machines, you might be a conservative.

If you believe we need to install land mines along our southern border, you might be a conservative.

Then again, if you believe we should just put up a big “Welcome” sign, you might be a liberal.

If you believe in taking your ball and going home if you don’t get your way, you might be a conservative.

But if you believe balls should be distributed free of charge to everyone, you might be a liberal.

If you believe there should be a constitutional amendment establishing a $25 per hour minimum wage, you might be a liberal.

But if you believe states should have the right to pick and choose which federal laws they have to comply with, you might be a conservative.

If you believe saving the planet is a legitimate pursuit, you might be a liberal.

But if you believe the planet should just save itself, you might be a conservative.

If you believe national defense is a top priority, you might be a conservative.

But if you believe feeding the hungry is a top priority, you might be a liberal.

If you believe we should reroute the interstate in order to preserve a cockroach habitat, you might be a liberal.

Although if you believe reasoned discourse on rerouting the interstate consists of “No!” you might be a conservative.

Finally, if you believe people who hold extremist views, whether liberal or conservative, are the real problem, you might be right.

One last question: What happened to moderation in all things?

Aaron W. Hughey, program coordinator for the Department of Counseling and Student Affairs