For almost 40 years, the College Heights Herald has highlighted the spring semester’s most notable stories by wittily honoring the stories’ biggest players.  So named for reasons that have become muddled over time, the Marsupial Awards are the Herald’s gifts to all deserving parties and innocent bystanders. 

 The Somebody Award goes to Willie Taggart for finding somebody who’s got it better than us. 

The Sandbag Award Ray Harper gets for having a 17-3 record after the month of February. Aren’t you sad you betted against him? 

The Milli Vanilli Award goes to SGA because they apparently don’t have a voice.  

The Diva Award goes to the Alumni Center because it’s so extravagant that even Mariah Carey would want to live there.

The Suffrage Award goes to everyone who voted in the SGA election. Since your vote didn’t count, here is this.

The Self-Esteem Award goes to UK athletics. Thanks for making us look good. 

The NeutralAward goes to Gordon Emslie because he won’t have a plus-minus grading system. 

The Sun Belt Conference gets the Taylor Swift Award for breaking up with everyone. 

President Ransdell gets the Bitchin’Award for dropping the b-bomb. Cool story, bro. 

The DUC Award goes to the class of 2027 for likely being the class to finally see a completed DUC. 

The Almost Savior Award goes to the Council on Postsecondary Education. Thanks the for tuition cap, but what about the out-of-state students?

The BFF Award goes to Bobby Petrino and Patti Minter. Because from everything she’s said about his contract, we know they are best buds. 

This editorial represents the majority opinion of the Herald’s 11-member editoral board.