EDITORIAL: The Herald fulfills your holiday wish list

December 4, 2012 editorial cartoon

Herald Staff

THE ISSUE: We at the Herald feel it is better to give than to receive. You, dear readers, have given us a semester of news and excitement. We got you a little something in return. Just try not to spend it all in one place, OK?

OUR STANCE: We made our list and checked it twice, but we seem to have misplaced the receipts. Enjoy!

To the “Ghost Hunters,” we give you the gift of The Google. Try fact checking a little bit next time.

For coach Willie Taggart, we’ll take you out for a bowl of Panda Express’ finest orange chicken and fried rice. Just in case something goes wrong with this whole Pizza Bowl thing.

WKU students, we give you a $50 deal for a ticket and a ride to the Pizza Bowl. Oh, wait. That wasn’t us, was it?

Provost Gordon Emslie, you have earned a Gold Star ++ for all your new ideas this semester. Maybe if you keep it up, one of them just might work.

To the more than 800 women who will live in Pearce Ford Tower next fall, we lined up a contract with Bravo for your own reality show: “The Real Co-eds of PFT.” Watch what happens, Toppers.

To the future men of Poland Hall, we give you 23 floors of ladies. (You can thank us later.)

Claire Donahue, we would like to give you another gold medal for really stretching out those 15 minutes of fame.

Sun Belt Commissioner Karl Benson, we present you with Transitions Lenses. The conference’s future isn’t looking so bright now, is it?

To all the UK fans on the Hill — we give you basketball season. You’re welcome.

For the hungry students at South Campus, we give you one of our Subway restaurants. Actually, go ahead take an Izzi’s (but only the one from DUC).

To the “pop” bombers and mask burners of WKU, here’s a Furby. Now go run along and do something less destructive with your time. Maybe a college degree?

Dining Services and Aramark, you get a calendar and a clock. We can tell you misplaced yours.

To Miss Kentucky USA contestant Whitney Beckner, who took a tumble in Van Meter during pageant rehearsal, we got a pair of super presh flats for you. Just remember — if you can’t walk in them, don’t wear them.

PCAL students, we got you on the list!

For the men of Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity, here’s a vacuum and some air freshener. Try to take better care of your new house.

SGA, here’s a bluebook. Sorry we’re regifting the only thing you gave us this year.

Finally, to our wonderful university president, Gary. We’ve arranged for your on-air debut on BET. Your mad rap skills blew us away in that “Hilltopper of the Century” video. We just hope your New Year’s resolutions will include some dance lessons.

This editorial represents the majority opinion of the Herald’s 13-member editorial board.