Dearest Leaf Blower Man,

Let me start this letter by thanking you so very much

for your duties to our university. You keep the grass clear of

unsightly fall foliage, lest we get distracted by their garish

colors or their whispering decent that beckons, “Step on me! Hear

the crunch!”

So very impressive is your consideration of the

student body and the campus employees. Important cell phone

conversations lack a certain something that only a two-stroke

engine can provide.  There’s really nothing like screaming at your

boss, repeating your request three times, trying to figure out how

to cup the mouthpiece and carry books at the same time. The

aggravation in their voice is particularly pleasurable. Forcibly

evacuating the leaf carcasses, akin to your fair-weather duties of

mowing the grass, provide an excellent accompaniment to the

droning, crashing, earth-rumbling symphonies produced by the

constant construction on campus.

You’re doing an excellent job, there’s nothing wrong

in letting the whole world know it.

Lastly, I must say I’m in awe of your dedication;

especially how early you get to work. You get an unexpected pounce

on those sneaky, dastardly leaves just as the sun rises. I’m sure

many other students are appreciative of your “the early leaf blower

gets the leaf” mentality, as they no longer need to set alarms on

days that they don’t have an early class. 

My personal favorite is when you visit the office I

work at, cigarette-lipped and cold beneath your sound-canceling

headphones. The pleasant, jet engine roar really provides a good

rhythm to my morning tasks. In no way do I find your presence

distracting.  

Your guile and crafty tactics are especially

inspiring since, as you know, no leaves fall during the day. Nor do

natural events such as wind gusts push leaves back to the position

that you have just blown them from. Nay, not even a passing car (or

pedestrian for that matter) can undo what your handiwork —

Oh wait.

Sincerely,

Leaf Lover

Clint Waters

Bowling Green senior