Editor offers meaningless apologies

Brandy Warren

I typically don’t apologize, because, well, I’m never wrong

But in the spirit of graduating and moving on, I figured I’d make amends – maybe to some people who don’t even know they need an apology.

So here it goes, in absolutely no order of importance.

• I’m not a great student. I often try to calculate and plan for how many classes I can skip without failing. So this apology goes out to Amy Krull and Chris Antonsen, whose classes’ attendance I can probably count on my fingers and toes.

• Mark Rawlings and Rob Cunningham. Mark and Rob were two friends from high school. We stayed friend during my freshman and sophomore years and then drifted apart. I probably drank more with Rob than any other person in my life. My liver thanks me for drifting apart. And Mark, the only ultra-conservative I’ll ever tolerate, was one of my best friends. I’m sorry I didn’t make more time.

• Robin Johnson and Brittany Dillingham, my roommates since the Herald took over my life. I’m sorry I stumbled in at 3 a.m. and left at dawn. It wasn’t personal, just business. But hey, at least you had the privacy.

• My parents. Let’s just not go there. I’ve been a lousy daughter and never visited. But they embarrassed me enough. Let’s not forget the time my mother told my 12-year-old friends not to have sex on a waterbed because there isn’t enough traction. We’ll just call it even.

• My dog, Sammy. I abandoned him when I left for college. In my absence, my parents adopted a devilish cat. My angelic dog is scared for his life. It’s a lot like Garfield and Odie.

• To Danny Schoenbaechler, you sorry sucker. You’re the only one I could convince that being Herald editor was the best job in the world. You’re a damn fool. Good luck any way. In addition to the apology, you get my cell phone number and the assurance I’ll answer the phone in the middle of the next fall when problems arise.

• My boyfriend and best friend Joe Lord. I used you as a rock to lean on and you stood by me through everything. I appreciate it. And I’m sorry if I never said thank you before.

Brandy Warren is a graduating news/editorial major from Louisville. She’s been Herald editor for two semesters.