Mr. Guthrie

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NowitallstartedtwoThanksgivingsagoitwasonatwoyearsagoonThanksgivingwhenmyfriendandIwentuptovisitAliceattherestaurantbutAlicedoesn’tliveintherestaurantshelivesinthechurchnearbytherestaurantinthebelltowerwithherhusbandRayandFarshathedogandlivin’inthebelltowerlikethattheygotalottaroomdownstairswherethepewsusedtobein’andhavin’allthatroomseein’ashowtheytookoutallthepewstheydecidedthattheydidn’thavetotakeouttheirgarbageforalongtimeWegotuptherewefoundallthegarbageinthereandwedecidedit’dbeafriendlygestureforustotakethegarbagedowntothecitydumpSowetookthehalfatonofgarbageputitinthebackofaredVWMicrobustookshovelsandrakesandimplementsofdestructionandheadedontowardthecitydumpWellwegotthereandthere’sabigsignandachainacrossthedumpsayin'”ClosedonThanksgiving”AndwehadneverheardofadumpclosedonThanksgivingbeforeandwithtearsinoureyeswedroveoffintothesunsetlookin’foranotherplacetoputthegarbageWedidn’tfindoneTillwecametosideroadandoffthesideofthesideroadwasanotherfifteenfootcliffandatthebottomofthecliffwasanotherpileofgarbageAndwedecidedthatonebigpile’sbetterthantwolittlepilesandratherthanbringthatoneupwedecidedtothrowoursdownThat’swhatwedidDrovebacktothechurchhadaThanksgivingdinnerthatcouldn’tbebeatwenttosleepanddidn’tgetupuntilthenextmorningwhenwegotaphonecallfromOfficerObieHesaid”KidwefoundyournameonaenvelopeatthebottomofahalfatonofgarbageJustwantedtoknowifyouhadanyinformationaboutit”AndIsaid”YessirOfficerObieIcannottellalieIputthatenvelopeunderthatgarbage”Afterspeakin’toObieforaboutfortyfiveminutesonthetelephonehefinallyarrivedatthetruthofthematterandsaidwehadtogodownandpickupthegarbageandalsohadtogodownandspeaktohimatthePoliceOfficer’sStationSowegotintheredVWMicrobuswiththeshovelsandrakesandimplementsofdestructionandheadedontowardthePoliceOfficer’sStationNowfriendstherewasonlyoneoftwothingsthatOfficerObiecouldadoneatthePoliceStationandthefirstwasthathecouldagiveusamedalforbein’sobraveandhonestonthetelephonewhichwasn’tverylikelyandwedidn’texpectitandtheotherthingwasthathecouldabawledusoutandtoldusnevertobeseendrivin’garbagearoundthevicinityagainwhichiswhatweexpectedbutwhenwegottothePoliceOfficer’sStationtherewasathirdpossibilitythatwehadn’tevencounteduponAndwewasbothimmediatelyarrestedhandcuffedAndIsaid”ObieIdon’tthinkIcanpickupthegarbagewiththesehandcuffson”Hesaid”ShutupkidGetinthebackofthepatrolcar”Andthat’swhatwedidandsatinthebackofthepatrolcaranddrovetothequote”Sceneofthecrime”unquoteIwannatellyouaboutthetownofStockbridgeMassachussettswherethishappenedheretheygotthreestopsignstwopoliceofficersandonepolicecarButwhenwegottothe”Sceneofthecrime”therewasfivepoliceofficersandthreepolicecarsbein’thebiggestcrimeofthelastfiftyyearsandeverybodywantedtogetinthenewspaperstoryaboutitAndtheywasusin’upallkindsofcopequipmentthattheyhadhangin’aroundthePoliceOfficer’sStationTheywastakin’plastertiretracksfootprintsdogsmellin’printsandtheytooktwentyseveneightbytencolorglossyphotographswithcirclesandarrowsandaparagraphonthebackofeachoneexplainin’whateachonewastobeusedasevidenceagainstusTheytookpicturesoftheapproachthegetawaythenorthwestcornerthesouthwestcornerandthat’snottomentiontheaerialphotographyAftertheordealwewentbacktothejailObiesaidhewasgonnaputusinthecellhesaid”KidI’mgonnaputyouinthecellIwantyourwalletandyourbelt”Isaid”ObieIcanunderstandyourwantin’mywalletsoIdon’thaveanymoneytospendinthecellbutwhatd’yawantmybeltfor?”Andhesaid”Kidwedon’twantanyhangin’s”Isaid”ObiedidyouthinkIwasgonnahangmyselfforlitterin’?”Obiesaidhewasmakin’sureandfriendsObiewas’causehetookoutthetoiletseatsoIcouldn’thitmyselfovertheheadanddrownAndhetookoutthetoiletpapersoIcouldn’tbendthebarsrolloutrollthetoiletpaperoutthewindowslidedowntherollandhaveanescapeObiewasmakin’sureanditwasaboutfourorfivehourslaterthatAlicerememberAlice?It’sasongaboutAliceAlicecamebyandwithafewnastywordstoObieonthesidebailedusouttajailandwewentbacktothechurchhadanotherThanksgivingdinnerthatcouldn’tbebeatanddidn’tgetupuntilthenextmorningwhenweallhadtogotocourtWewalkedinsatdownObiecameinwiththetwentyseveneightbytencolorglossypictureswiththecirclesandarrowsandaparagraphonthebackofeachonesatdownAmancameinsaid”Allrise”WeallstoodupandObiestoodupwiththetwentyseveneightbytencolorglossypicturesandthejudgewalkedinsatdownwithaseein’eyedogAndhesatdownWesatdownObielookedattheseein’eyedogAndthenatthetwentyseveneightbytencolorglossypictureswiththecirclesandarrowsandaparagraphonthebackofeachoneandlookedattheseein’eyedogAndthenatthetwentyseveneightbytencolorglossypictureswiththecirclesandarrowsandaparagraphonthebackofeachoneandbegantocry’causeObiecametotherealizationthatitwasatypicalcaseofAmericanblindjusticeandtherewasn’tnothin’hecoulddoaboutitAndthatjudgewasn’tgonnalookatthetwentyseveneightbytencolorglossypictureswiththecirclesandarrowsandaparagraphonthebackofeachoneexplainin’whateachonewastobeusedasevidenceagainstusAndwewasfinedfiftydollarsandhadtopickupthegarbageinthesnowbutthat’snotwhatIcametotellyouaboutIcametotalkaboutthedraftYougotabuildingdowninNewYorkCitycalledWhiteHallStreetwhereyouwalkinandyougetinjectedinspecteddetectedinfectedneglectedandselectedIwentdowntogetmyphysicalexaminationonedayandIwalkedinIsatdownIgotgoodanddrunkthenightbeforesoIlookedandfeltmybestwhenIwentinthatmorning’CauseIwantedtolookliketheallAmericankidfromNewYorkCityImeanIwantedIwantedtofeelliketheallIwantedtobetheallAmericankidfromNewYorkandIwalkedinsatdownIwashungdownbrungdownhungupandallkindsofmeannastyuglythingsandIwalkedinIsatdowntheygavemeapieceofpapersaid”Kidseethepsychiatristroom604″AndIIwentupthereIsaid”ShrinkIwannakillImeanIwannaIwannakillKillIwannaIwannaseeIwannaseebloodandgoreandgutsandveinsinmyteethEatdeadburntbodiesImeankillKillKillKill!”AndIstartedjumpin’upanddownyellin'”KillKill!”Andhestartedjumpin’upanddownwithmeandwewasbothjumpin’upanddownyellin'”KillKill!”andtheSergeantcameoverpinnedamedalonmesentmedownthehallsaid”You’reourboy”Didn’tfeeltoogoodaboutitIproceededondownthehallgettin’moreinjectionsinspectionsdetectionsneglectionsandallkindsofstuffthattheywasdoin’tomeatthethingthereandIwastherefortwohoursthreehoursfourhoursIwasthereforalongtimegoin’throughallkindsofmeannastyuglythingsandIwasjusthavin’atoughtimethereandtheywasinspectin’injectin’everysinglepartofmeandtheywasn’tleavin’nopartuntouchedIproceededthroughandwhenIfinallycametoseetheverylastmanIwalkedinIwalkedinIsatdownafterawholebigthingthereandIwalkedupsaid”Whatd’youwant?”hesaid”Kidweonlygotonequestionhaveyoueverbeenarrested?”AndIproceededtotellhimthestoryofAlice’sRestaurantMassacreewithfullorchestrationandfivepartharmonyandstufflikethatandhestoppedmerightthereandsaid”Kiddidyouevergotocourt?”Iproceededtotellhimthestoryofthetwentyseveneightbytencolorglossypictureswiththecirclesandarrowsandaparagraphonthebackofeachoneandhestoppedmerightthereandsaid”KidIwantyoutogooverandsitdownonthatbenchthatsays”GroupW”NowKid!”AndIIwalkedovertothetothebenchthereandthere’sGroupWiswheretheywheretheyputyouifyoumaynotbemoralenoughtotojointheArmyaftercommittin’yourspecialcrimeTherewasallkindsofmeannastyuglylookin’peopleonthebenchtherethere’smotherrapersFatherstabbersFatherrapersFatherrapersittin’rightthereonthebenchnexttomeoneandhewasmeanandnastyanduglyandhorribleandcrimefoundedguyswassittin’thereonthebenchandthemeanestugliestnastiestonethemeanestfatherraperofthemallwascomin’overtomeAndhewasmeananduglyandnastyandhorribleandallkindsofthingsandhesatdownnexttomeandsaid”KidWhat’dyaget?”Isaid”Ididn’tgetnothin’Ihadtopayfiftydollarsan’pickupthegarbage”Hesaid”Whatwereyouarrestedforkid?”andIsaid”Litterin'”andtheyallmovedawayfrommeonthebenchtherean’thehairyeyeballan’allkindsofmeannastythingsuntilIsaid”an’creatin’anuisance”andtheyallcamebackshookmyhandan’wehadagreattimeonthebenchtalkin’aboutcrimemotherstabbin’fatherrapin’allkindsofgroovythingsthatwewastalkin’aboutonthebenchAndeverythingwasfineweweresmokin’cigarettesandallkindsofthingsuntiltheSergeantcameoverhadsomepaperinhishandhelditupandsaid”Kidsthispieceofpaper’sgotfortysevenwordthirtysevensensenfiftyeightwordandwewannaknowdetailsofthecrimetimeandtimeandcrimeandanyotherkindathingyougottasayandatimebouthecrimeiwannaknowthearestinofficersnameandanyotherkindathingyougottasay”andhetalkedforfortyfiveminutesandnobodyunderstoodaword

thathesaidbutwehadfunfillin’outtheformsandplayin’withthepencilsonthebenchtherean’Ifilledoutthemassacreewiththefourpartharmonyan’wroteitdowntherejustlikeitwasAndeverythingwasfinean’Iputdownthepenciland’Iturnedoverthepieceofpaperandan’therethereontheothersideinthemiddleoftheothersideawayfromeverythingelseontheothersideinparenthesiscapitallettersquotatedreadthefollowingwords:”KidHaveyourehabilitatedyourself?”IwentovertotheSergeantandIsaid”SergeantyougotalottadamngalltoaskmeifI’verehabilitatedmyselfImeanImeanImeanIjustI’msittin’hereonthebenchImeanI’msittin’hereontheGroupWbench’causeyouwannaknowifI’mmoralenoughtojointheArmyburnwomenkidshousesandvillagesafterbein’alitterbug”Helookedatmesaid”Kidwedon’tlikeyourkindAndwe’regonnasendyourfingerprintsofftoWashington”AndfriendssomewhereinWashingtonenshrinedinsomelittlefolderisastudyinblackandwhiteofmyfingerprintsAn’theonlyreasonI’msingin’youthissongnowis’causeyoumayknowsomebodyinasimilarsituationOryoumaybeinasimilarsituationandifyou’reinasituationlikethatthere’sonlyonethingthatyoucandoiswalkintotheshrinkwhereveryouarejustwalkinan’say”Shrink””YoucangetanythingyouwantatAlice’srestaurant”AndwalkoutYouknowifonepersonjustonepersondoesittheymaythinkhe’sreallysickandtheywon’ttakehimAndiftwopeopletwopeopledoitinharmonythey’llthinkthey’rebothfagotsandtheywon’ttakeeitherof’emAndifthreepeopledoitthreecanyouimaginethreepeoplewalkin’insingin’abar’aAlice’sRestaurantandwalkin’outTheymaythinkit’sanorganizationAndcanyoucanyouimaginefiftypeopleadayIsaidfiftypeopleadaywalkin’insingin’abar’aAlice’sRestaurantan’walkin’outAndfriendstheymaythinkit’samovementAndthat’swhatitisTheAlice’sRestaurantAntiMassacreeMovementandallyougottadotojoinistosingitthenexttimeitcomesaroundontheguitarWithfeelin’Sowe’llwait’tilitcomesaroundontheguitarherean’singitwhenitdoesHereitcomesYoucangetanythingyouwantatAlice’sRestaurantYoucangetanythingyouwantatAlice’sRestaurantWalkrightinit’saroundthebackJustahalfamilefromtherailroadtrackYoucangetanythingyouwantatAlice’sRestaurantThatwashorribleYouwannaendthewarandstuffyougottasingloudYoucouldputalotI’vebeensingin’thissongnowfortwentyfiveminutesIcouldsingitforanothertwentyfiveminutesI’mnotproudOrtiredSowe’llwait’tilitcomesaroundagainan’thistimewithfourpartharmonyandfeelin’We’rejustwaitin’forittocomearoundiswhatwe’redoin’AlrightnowYoucangetanythingyouwantatAlice’sRestaurantexceptingAliceYoucangetanythingyouwantatAlice’sRestaurantIsaidwalkrightinit’saroundthebackJustahalfamilefromtherailroadtrackYoucangetanythingyouwantatAlice’sRestaurantDadadadadadadadumatAlice’sRestaurant!

Guthrie Foundation

Louisville, KY

(502) 895-3401