The Herald’s Christmas Wish List

Dear Santa,

Though the Hill has only recently started to feel the winter cool down, it is nonetheless Christmas time again. And the folks at the College Heights Herald are once again in the giving mood this holiday season.

So that can only mean one thing for you, Mister jolly, old St. Nick – and that is that it’s time to ante up and pull out your big gift bag. As you might have guessed, we once again have a big wish list this season …

First, would you be so kind as to send Western basketball coach Darrin Horn his first victory? The third time is supposed to be a charm, but that wasn’t so. A great gift would be to pluck the feathers out of the Louisville Cardinals tonight.

While we are on the subject of sports, please find room in your bag for a Rookie of the Year award for football coach David Elson. We hope they aren’t finished just yet playing football, but he deserves the recognition already.

Also, a streaker showed up twice this year at Smith Stadium. How about a nice new set of clothes for them?

Oh, in case you haven’t noticed, Santa, there are a lot of unsightly construction projects still lingering on campus, how about giving Western a magic tool belt to finish everything up?

There have also been loads of controversy this semester that need a little holiday cheer. Can you please send Dr. Brian Strow a chill pill? He is gung ho about this plus/minus grading system and the students just don’t seem to really want it. But he just won’t give it up.

While we’re on the subject, SGA President John Bradley would look really good in a Charlie Brown T-shirt because he has been the consummate “good man,” just like Charlie.

This proposed Greek Village stuff is still resonating too, big guy. What do you say to an already-paid-for village on an island in the Barren River?

And just like always, students have had trouble crossing that nasty University Boulevard. How about a Bruce Almighty card for everyone who needs to stop traffic every once and while?

Though we know it is not entirely their fault, please grant Western the ability to grow money on trees. After all, there is that dreaded $200 increase in tuition to deal with next semester, professors who are underpaid and renovations the state won’t pay for.

If not the magic tree, how about giving students President Ransdell’s paycheck one month for the miscellaneous extra money students will have to shell out and that Western apparently doesn’t have to dish out.

Here is an easy one, Santa. How about some coupons to the food court of our choice? We can’t keep paying seven or eight bucks for a meal just because we don’t have a meal plan.

Also, for the love of every Corolla, Mustang, Jeep, Escort, Porsche, Chevy, VW Bug or whatever – please give the ticket Nazis a much needed vacation. They have surely filled their quota for tickets the past few months.

And finally, can all the dorms, eh, residence halls get HBO? We know Mommy and Daddy probably wouldn’t approve, but we kind of like Sex and the City.

We know we are asking a lot as usual, Santa, but we hope you have enough room in your bag this year to help us out. It has only been one semester, but as you can see, this place is as busy as ever.

Thanks, Santa. We’ll be sure to leave the Oreos and cow juice out for you.

– Your friends at the CHH

This editorial represents the majority opinion of the Herald’s 10-member board of student editors.