Letter to the editor

Garrats’ ode to fire

I am one of the evil, dirty thieves who “stole” all the ads from the innocuous little organization known as the “Hell House.” Since this issue is once again a hot topic, and especially since Justin Shepherd’s rambling commentary, I feel obligated to make a statement about something I feel is important to the students of Western:

Why Garrats Love Fire:

Garrats love fire. I doubt there is another institution on campus whose members take such good care of fire as the Garrats. Chances are, when you pass Garrett in the morning or afternoon, you will find us lovingly tending to the infant flames of a bonfire. Why, you ask, do Garrats have this infatuation? Simple:

1.It’s so pretty! Depending on what you burn, it can be every color in the rainbow!

2.It is an efficient means of disposing of campus garbage, such as cups, plates, homecoming posters, ads for hate groups disguised as religious organizations and college newspapers of poor journalistic quality.

3.It keeps us warm when we are braving the elements outside of Garrett.

4.It’s a great way to get rid of those who would call us “lost”.

So visit us outside of the Garrett Food Court. We’ll show you how to become one of those crazy, thieving, longhaired weirdos with a burning hatred for all things good and pure. And sure, the Herald will probably make us out to be horrible, child-molesting arsonists, but that’s okay, because fire loves us. And fire can love you, too, if you accept it as your savior.

Whitney Crews, Louisville junior

Jason Dudgeon, Louisville senior