SUPERPICKS: Video game leads to car misfortune

Hollan Holm

It felt really good to take the wheel of my car back last weekend.

I had been without any form of independent transportation since New Years Day when I drove my Honda Civic into an oncoming tire.

The tire in question, a 15-incher with the metal wheel still in it, lay out in the middle of the road. I came up over a hill with little more time than to swear revenge on the tire’s owner.

I barreled into the tire at 45 or 50 miles an hour, depending on whether or not I was talking to police or insurance agents, blasting it 10 feet across both road and ditches.

A pit, comparable to the Grand Canyon but not quite as large as a state budget shortfall, opened in my stomach. I realized my perfect driving record, earned by last-millisecond braking and ragingly blind luck, had ended in a flurry of sparks. I was left with $2,000 in damages.

Poncho, the tow-truck driver, cranked up my car and hauled it off with cold detachment. He left me with no car and one question: whose fault was it?

With no help or answers from the Mexican revolutionary leader who towed my car for a competitive price, I had to do some investigative work of my own.

Being too lazy to ask around about the owner of the tire, the focus of the investigation quickly turned back to me. Clearly it had to be something I had done.

My Christmas break was an orgy of video games, particularly one called Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. This carnal delight fulfilled that perfectly normal human need to steal fast cars, crash them into something at a high speed and steal another. Coupled with the fact that the game is chock-full of quality 1980s artists like “A Flock of Seagulls” and the phallic “Wang Chung,” there is no reason why it didn’t cause me to run into a tire.

Video games have been blamed for a lot of things and it’s high time they be called into question for their involvement in minor accidents.

The impact of violent video games can’t be proved by one incident alone. This is why I called my friend Jacob. He too suffered an automobile-related accident. Last Friday, his car, a 1987 Mazda, caught fire as he drove down Big Red Way.

I had one big question for him: did he play The Game?

Jacob, who casually asked me to mention he is currently single, admitted he had played Grand Theft Auto: Vice City before driving, too.

A ghastly correlation exists.

“Maybe it’s a curse,” Jacob, who is still single, said. “Everybody who plays it, their car blows up.”

Keep this sad story in mind as you hook up your PlayStation controller on a lonely, single evening.

You could be next.

Pick O’ the Week

•Club Dub, specializing in Funk, Reggae, Soul, and, can you believe it, Hip-Hop too, will be playing at the Brewing Company tonight. The band’s set will begin around 10 p.m. As always, expect a cover of $5 to $7.

Hollan Holm is still waiting for quality weekend suggestions. E-mail him at [email protected]