Leaves are changing colors, the temperature is dropping, flannels are back and midterms are coming up faster than you can order your pumpkin spiced latte.

There’s significant irony in the fact that many students’ favorite season of fall is met with the crushing weight of collegiate responsibilities. But hey, at least you can enjoy the nice weather before you bomb the test that is probably worth 30% of your grade…right?

Let’s face it, we all need to study. I know that there is a snowball’s chance in hell that I’ll retain everything I’ve taken notes on over the course of the semester. However, the need to study is not what this article is about.

I’m here to judge you based on the place you choose to study. Why? Well, it’s been far too long since I’ve gotten to publicly poke fun at the student body, and the Herald put me in a position of power this semester so now I feel even more authorized to do so.

So get ready and be warned, because no one’s go-to study spot is safe.

Your dorm’s study room

You’re practical, you like to get things done but you don’t want to have to go too far. Maybe you’d prefer to be in your room, but your roommate is actively violating the agreement that you both signed.

Either way, I see through your facade. You can try all you want to convince me that this study spot is your go-to due to convenience and the comfy couches. I’m not buying it, convenience is just another word for laziness and the couches aren’t even that comfortable.

You’re selling yourself short, if you’re giving enough effort to actually study you can find a much cooler spot to do it in. Don’t settle for the study room, it’s super lame.

The Colonnades

Studying at the Colonnades sounds like a rumor. I’m sure everyone’s tour guide for WKU told them that people like to study there, but I truly believe this is some sort of campus myth. I’ve never actually seen anyone cracking open their textbooks here, but I’m still going to make assumptions about them even if they don’t exist.

If you study at the Colonnades, you’ve probably drunk from that sweet, sweet WKU Koolaid. Maybe you’re a spirit master, honors topper or a self-proclaimed disciple of Big Red.

No matter what you are, you’re probably passionate about your university and the history behind it. Or, you acknowledge that you’re spending a lot of money to go here so you might as well use those beautiful, massive steps to get your money’s worth. 

Cravens library

Ah yes, a true academic you are.

Your lungs fill well with your air of self-importance, studying among WKU’s vast collection of outdated textbooks. You sit on the top floor looking over the extravagant city of Bowling Green, seeing a deep sense of beauty in the golden arches of McDonald’s in the distance.

You sit back and think to yourself: “This – this is academia.”

In all actuality, Cravens is a really nice study spot. There’s just something about the idea of studying in the library that makes me want to portray everyone who does it as Squilliam from Spongebob.

Centennial Mall green space

Here is a list of words that come to mind when I think of the type of people who study in the Centennial Mall green space: Granola, Chacos, Patagonia, crystals and picnic blankets.

If you study here, you probably spend a lot of time at national parks or dreaming about going to national parks, and you just tacked on a recreation major to your degree. You’ve got an ORAC kayaking trip coming up this weekend as well.

What? I’m kidding! I’m not going to typecast you for choosing to study outside in a hammock. I get it, the weather is super nice as of late and who wouldn’t want to be outside? Oh, this might be kind of random but I also wanted to tell you that your new septum piercing looks really great!

Any off-campus coffee shop

I’m sorry, I am not going to waste my valuable word count on this. The joke writes itself, and you’re more basic than two plus two.

Anywhere I haven’t mentioned

Congratulations! You made it out unscathed, and I am so proud of you. However, to anyone whose study spot was on this list, I hope that we can move past this and be mature about everything.

Who knows, maybe we can study together sometime!

Just not anywhere on this list, if you ask me to study at one of these places — I’m going to drop out.

Commentary Editor Shane Stryker can be reached at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter @shanestryker.