Barren River Area Safe Space, Inc., hosted a candlelight vigil in Circus Square Park Thursday night to remember victims of domestic violence.

BRASS was founded in 1980 to provide services to victims of domestic violence. According to their website, “Last year, [BRASS] sheltered 406 victims of domestic violence, with a consistent annual increase of about 3% over the past three years.”

The vigil was opened by Aleasha Martin, the director of community services for BRASS. She introduced the evening and talked about the impact that domestic violence has on communities.

“Domestic violence affects 24 people per minute, equating to more than 12 million people annually,” Martin said. “One in three women and one of four men will experience physical abuse at the hands of an intimate partner at some point in their lifetime.”

After outlining the evening, Martin handed it off to Heather Graves who told her story of survival.

“I have all the ugly pictures with black eyes and strangulation marks. The cops knew mine and my abuser by our first names,” Graves said. “I experienced dozen of psych stays for mental health issues as well as suicide attempts. I used alcohol and other substances to try to numb my pain and cope with the emotional, physical and spiritual harm that I was in constantly.”

Graves, who is now remarried, talked about how BRASS helped her escape from the abuse and recover afterwards.

“BRASS provided me with a refuge at a non-disclosed location for a few months,” Graves continued. “These services came together and provided me with all the tools to start, not only my healing process, but for a solid foundation of a new life.”

Graves’ story was defined by her children, who she said were a driving force of her recovery. “The ones that matter the most to me, which are my two beautiful children,” She said.

Through assistance from BRASS, Graves embraced her life as a mother and advocate, not a victim. 

“I don’t identify as a victim. I’m a woman of God that walks with kindness, love and knows what it is to not be heard or feel safe. So I aim to always be able to do both,” Graves said.

Afterwards, BRASS worker Alex Wilds told the story of an anonymous domestic abuse survivor who was abused by their childhood sweetheart.

“He always made me feel special, like he saw me for me,” said the story. “Even in middle and high school, he always paid attention to me. Visiting me and making my life brighter.”

The survivor’s childhood friend went to jail for attempting to murder his ex-girlfriend who was pregnant with his child. 

“I knew that the relationship was toxic, and believed the story that they both told me that it wasn’t his fault,” the survivor wrote. “I believed him, because he told me”

“While he was in prison, he asked for me to be his girlfriend.” wrote the anonymous victim. “I was the most important thing in his life, because he told me I was and backed it up. When he came up for parole, I wrote one of the letters that contributed to his release.”

Wilds went on to tell a story filled with tragic manipulation. The survivor’s abuser lied to them, controlled them, cheated on them and physically hurt them. They were hurt repeatedly by this man and didn’t know how to escape.

“Someone had told him that I was cheating on him with a coworker. He beat me severely and put a loaded gun to my head. The gun didn’t go off, even though he pulled up the trigger,” Wilds continued. “He went on to severely assault two other women, one of whom I watched.”

“Knowing I was powerless if I had tried to intervene or go against what he told me to do and say. I knew it would be so much worse for me. I believed him, because he told me.”

Their abuser pulled them into a cycle of abuse, constantly promising to be better and reverting back to his abusive habits. He continued to be unfaithful, even disappearing for days at a time to be with another woman. The survivor was terrified, living in a state of constant fear of their partner.

“I knew what he was capable of, and I didn’t want to risk someone getting hurt because of me.”

After a long time of being threatened with violence and death, the survivor went to the police and reported their abuser. They went to BRASS and received the assistance they needed.

“I was so badly bruised that you could not tell what race I was,” read the story. “I have been involved with BRASS for years. I have made many wonderful friends and connections with other people who have experienced what I have. But it was not easy at first, it was the hardest step I’ve ever taken, and I had to learn how to keep taking those steps forward.”

“I have people who I know I can count on. I believe me, because I told me,” said Wilds as they finished the story. “So please believe me when I tell you you have your own voice and the world is waiting to hear it. I believe you, because you told me, thank you.”

The speakers were closed by Tori Henninger, the executive director of BRASS. Henninger talked about the impact of BRASS.

“On average, we shelter 45 individuals every night, and an additional 145 individuals in one of our housing programs,” said Henninger. “Our services are critical to the communities that we serve and the community members who call South Central Kentucky Home.”

“Everyone knows someone and anyone can be an everyday advocate and help us disrupt the cycle of violence.”

Henninger along with many various BRASS workers read the names of 28 people who lost their lives to domestic violence.

Resources for domestic abuse victims can be found on the BRASS website. They also have a 24 hour crisis line, the number of which is 1-800-928-1183.

News Reporter Malone Farmer can be reached at [email protected].