Coffee? No thanks

Andrew Martel

I can’t remember the age I was when I first experienced coffee, but I distinctly remember the taste. I hated it.

It tasted like dirt and water, and I couldn’t understand for the life of me why my parents drank such garbage. Later in life, however, I would come to realize I’m the odd one out, so I gave coffee another try.

Nothing has changed. 

The only way I can drink coffee today is if I disguise it as something else entirely, using creamer, sugar, milk or quite literally anything at my disposal. I can drink Monster-brand coffee, but that’s about the closest I can get.

Though it would be nice to say, “Oh, I don’t need the caffeine,” that’s completely untrue. In fact, I can’t go a day without some sort of caffeine. But I’ll suffer through a morning before I spend a single minute in line for coffee.

That’s another thing — people spend upwards of 30 minutes in line waiting for this stuff. Ridiculous! 

I understand I’m the odd one out here. Most people drink coffee every day, but I just can’t excuse the disgusting taste.

I can’t help but think people don’t really enjoy that awful taste but simply trick themselves into liking it. That’s the only possible explanation … unless we’re all just hopelessly addicted to our cups of caffeine in the morning and will consume anything for a fix.

I wish I could like coffee. I really tried. Coffee shops seem cool, and the idea of a coffee date sounds great, but seeing as I can’t drink the stuff — that’s a world I’ll never know. And you know what? I’m strangely OK with that.

Reporter Andrew Martel can be reached at [email protected].