Turkey day not complete without this special list of ingredients

Hunter Wilson

The weather’s getting colder, the students are on their way home, Martha Stewart is being indicted on criminal charges, and a certain multi-national discount mega-store is decked out in all its red and green Christmas glory.

It must be Thanksgiving.

Of all the many holidays that we Americans have, this has to be the cr?me de la cr?me. I mean, when else do you get to gorge yourself for a week straight, watch football on television, hang out with the family and prepare for the upcoming holiday season? Trust me, New Year’s Day isn’t nearly as fun. There are way too many misgivings, far too much talk about “starting anew” and making resolutions that are in all actuality doomed to fail.

Yes, Thanksgiving is here and it’s time to celebrate.

What better way to top off Thanksgiving 2003 than with a feast of kingly proportions, complete with all the trimmings? And I mean ALL the trimmings. One of the many additions to every family’s Thanksgiving lineup this year should without question be the newly innovated turkey & gravy flavored soda.

Pioneered by specialty Seattle drink maker Jones Soda Co., this drink promises to deliver all the flavar of a typical Thanksgiving meal in only 12 ounces of pure carbonated bliss.

Mmmm, can’t you just taste the heart attack?

What’s that you say? Don’t know where to find such a spectacularly amazing drink? That’s ok, a good glass of cranberry juice will suffice. But you absolutely cannot go this Thanksgiving without picking out that perfect turkey. I strongly encourage each and every one of you who doesn’t hunt for their big day meal to visit one of the many turkey farms Kentucky touts and take your pick of one fine specimen of bird.

Did you know over 270 million turkeys will be produced in the United States this year alone? About a third of that will be consumed in the coming week.


The last thing you need to make your turkey day oh so special,is a trip to the local grocery store for everything else you forgot. Don’t even bother with the local-yokels. Take it from a seasoned pro that those bad pups won’t be open on the 27th. Just hit up Wal-Mart for everything you could possibly want for the next five Thanksgivings and you can’t go wrong.

Don’t forget to count your blessings, either. It’s the reason we celebrate, to be thankful for all the many things we Americans have. Think about it, if Chris Columbus hadn’t sailed that ocean blue, we might be eating quail or some other bastard form of poultry. I, for one, am thankful for getting my own selection of one of Granny’s typical six to seven dessert dishes. Pumpkin pie anyone?

Well that about raps it up, kids. Go easy on the booze over the break, don’t drink and drive, be nice to your grandparents and make sure your parents get that all-important Christmas wish list. It’s sooner than you think.

Lee Fisher is a freshman print journalism major from Mayfield.

The opinions expressed in this commentary do not reflect the views of the Herald, Western or its administration.