‘Transporter’ mediocre, repetitive

Devinn Winkleman

“The Transporter” is a perfect example of a two-dimensional movie. Not only is the plot flat, but so are the characters and the acting.

The plot tells the story of Frank Martin, (Jason Statham) a transporter-for-hire. Martin will take anything anywhere, no questions asked.

When he gets his latest assignment, Martin finds that the package moves, but one of the rules he lives by is “Never open the package.”

Of course he opens the package, and out pops a young Chinese woman named Lai, (Qi Shu) who is trying to escape from slavery.

As much as Martin wants to stuff her back into the bag, he takes her home. And he has to lie to his employer.

At this point, the movie splits up into three different sections, which splits up the viewer’s interest.

We watch Lai and Martin fall for each other, or the French detective harassing Martin, or Martin fighting with everyone he comes across. These three scenarios make up 70 percent of the movie, and that’s sad.

The other problem is Martin is so specific about everything he does that it’s irritating. His behavior belies the tough guy persona.

He wants the dimensions of his cargo, the distance he has to go, and just about everything else involving numbers that viewers don’t really want to know.

Then he gives an oral account of the proposed trip, a road map or routes, speed limits, rest stops and much, much more.

My question is, who cares?

Too, Martin likewise lists his terms of agreement, capping each recitation with, “Never change the deal.”

Who would want to, after listening to his hour-long speech?

The last problem with this movie is that the emphasis of the plot changes halfway through the movie. Martin turns from transporter to savior after he is set up by rescuing Asians smuggled in a shipping crate.

This requires more gunfire, more martial arts fighting and more mediocrity. Movie goers will be bored stupid.

This movie could use a re-rating from the MPAA. With so much violence in the movie, it should be R instead of PG-13.

This is a movie for guys who like movies, but just about all of those are the kind of movies that display what’s wrong with Hollywood today. There is no artistic expression, no taste, no morals and no entertainment value.

Upcoming films like “Jackass: The Movie” (in theaters Oct. 25) and “Half Past Dead” (in theaters Nov. 15) prove my point.

A mediocre film deserves a mediocre grade.