Come on Ransdell, bring it on

Hollan Holm

I was bored Tuesday; so I challenged President Gary Ransdell.

The way I see it, it was bound to happen. The two biggest movers-and-shakers on top of the Hill were bound to clash. Ransdell routinely makes decisions that affect all students at Western. My readership, dozens strong, is going to my head.

My life, up until Tuesday, had been a string of frivolities. My St. Louis Rams were 0-3. My love beads, bought downtown at the International Festival, were not getting any results. To top it all off, my messenger bag, (a.k.a. Man Purse) was putting a dent in my masculinity.

Basically, I had no easy column ideas.

So, left with no option, I raided my column cellar and found – Ransdell and me locked in mortal combat. Well, actually just arm wrestling, for a bet.

I have been lusting after his two parking spaces near Schneider Hall for weeks as I’ve hiked up the Hill like a sucker while my car gathers dust in the gravel lot across from the Kentucky Museum. If I arm-wrestled him I would demand his parking spaces as the spoils of my impending victory.

But having a big idea left some questions unanswered. Why would the Big “G,” or “Ransdy” if you prefer, take on a punk like me?

Money.

But after buying my iPod, I don’t have enough to make things interesting; so that’s out. I needed something else to put on the line.

It hit me with the force his hand will have behind it when I slam it onto the table – my column. It’s approximately 600 words on any subject. If Ransdy beats me, I would have to relinquish my column space to him.

If I win, I get his parking space for a week; if he wins, I get out of writing this column for a week. I couldn’t lose.

On Tuesday, I brought the challenge to him at the Directional Hall ribbon-cutting. I felt a little like Mr. T’s character Clubber Lang from “Rocky III” standing in the crowd waiting to challenge Rocky to the title fight. Well, except I’m not 250 pounds of muscle covered in 500 pounds of fake gold chains; also Ransdy is in no way cut like Sylvester Stallone, unfortunately.

He saw right through my charade.

“So let me get this straight,” Ransdell sort of said. “If you win you get my parking spot. But if I win I get to do your job for a week?”

He’s crafty, I thought. But then again, they don’t just give his job to any schmuck.

After much deliberation we settled all the details. We will arm wrestle right-handed – our weaker arms. We’ll throw down on the 50-yard line of Feix Field on a date to be announced.

We compromised on this deal – If I win, I get his parking spaces for a week. I’ll double park and take up both spaces. If he wins, I have to walk his dog “Topper” for a week and live the rest of my life in shame.

I will take on Ransdy for the students of Western. I will take on the Big “G” for America. But mostly, I will take on the prez for his parking spaces, both of them.

Picks O’ the Week

•Take that last $3 you were going to spend on food to Tidball’s Friday night to hear the Western-rock sounds of Pat Haney. Haney, considered by Tidball’s employees to be one of the most successful musicians from Bowling Green, will start playing at 10 p.m.

•Now that you’re broke and hungry, wake up early on Saturday morning and go to the Medical Center 10k Classic. The run begins at 9 a.m. and the registration fee is $30. Be crafty and dump water on yourself so you’ll appear sweaty. Then, sneak in the final kilometer of the race and feast on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at the finish line.

You ask Hollan Holm what he thinks of President Gary Ransdell? He pities the fool. E-mail him at [email protected]