OPINION: Where to go on WKU’s campus during a zombie apocalypse

Shane Stryker, Commentary Editor

Halloween is upon us, and there are some preparations that need to be made.

We are all guilty of it: making up “what would I do” scenarios in our heads to mentally prepare for a variety of crises. These scenarios could be a variety of things such as seeing a celebrity in public, dealing with home-intruders or being approached by some secret government organization that needs our help.

No matter where your day dream thoughts lead you, I think it’s important to be prepared for whatever your brain determines to be a threat. In the spirit of spooky season, I’m going to walk you through the best places to go on WKU’s campus if there is a surprise zombie apocalypse.

Houchens-Smith Stadium

The home of WKU’s football team is a great place to set up shop during a zombie apocalypse, but it definitely has its flaws.

For starters, the stadium is incredibly open, so it should be easy to see any of the undead from very far away, giving you apt time to prepare. The upper level seats have many entrances, which can give you the high ground advantage as well as elusivity by utilizing many exits.

The concession stands could possibly have some stock left over, which is another huge plus. However, I wouldn’t recommend heading to the stadium until you are armed well enough to fend off the zombies. If you aren’t prepared, you may be the victim of a game-ending sack. 

Downing Student Union

I think some people might see DSU as a death trap, but I am going to explain to you why it is not.

There are three floors in the building, meaning there’s a variety of places to run and hide if there’s a brain eater after you. There are also a variety of stair case options, which would be beneficial so you don’t accidentally get trapped in a clogged artery situation.

An obvious benefit of setting up camp here is the various restaurants that will be abandoned, just be sure that you get to them before your peers.

Ivan Wilson Center for Fine Arts

FAC is such a confusing building, that I don’t believe something without consciousness can navigate it better than a living college student. If I can’t make it to applied anthropology on my first try then there’s no way a zombie can track me down here. 

There are a lot of creative tools at your expense in FAC as well, if you are artistically inclined you may be able to paint a picture that could easily trick the undead into thinking it’s real, and lead them into a trap.

This building will only be safe if you have the creativity to survive in it, so I advise staying away if the left side of your brain is working harder than the right. Beware, the zombies will probably be able to tell which kind of thinker you are. 

Kelly Thompson/Snell Hall

KTH and Snell are home to various amounts of chemicals and science experiments. They would be a great place to go if you need to engineer an effective weapon to fight off some brain eaters.

Aside from that, the hallways are pretty open and there are a variety of stairwell options to escape if you’re in a hurry. The large lecture halls give plenty of room to set up camp, potentially with other survivors.

The one thing to be weary of is those who were turned to zombies in these buildings. It is possible that the brightest students at WKU will have turned into the brightest zombies at WKU, which is something to consider when entering these halls.

Van Meter Hall

Van Meter has some practicality to it in a zombie apocalypse scenario, as it has very few entrances that you need to board up and multiple floors that you can use at your expense. However, that’s not why it’s on this list.

Just imagine for a second that you have been surviving on WKU’s campus for weeks. You’ve been to every building, gathered every possible resource, fought off countless zombies and slowly made your way up the hill.

You’re on your last leg, as your other one was bit into when you tried to check if the vending machine was properly stocked at Grise Hall (it wouldn’t be even in a utopian scenario), and you’re running out of time before you are infected with the disease.

You pull open the large wooden doors of the beautiful Van Meter Hall, taking in its classical style of architecture as you slowly make your way up the steps. The doors to the auditorium burst open and a flood of zombies start making their way towards you.

You turn slowly, take one last puff of your cigarette, and brandish your sawed-off shotgun knowing that you only have two bullets left.

What a way to go.

Commentary Editor Shane Stryker can be reached at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter @shanestryker.