OPINION: Reality TV shows you watch based on your major

Christina West, Commentary Writer

Reality TV is the blood that pulses through my veins. It’s the sentience that enlivens me. It’s the human condition packaged up with a bow on top. Every major deserves to find their perfect show—one that speaks to them on a spiritual level. 

The following is a list to guide your reality TV ventures. If your major is not covered here, don’t fret. They’re all equally terrible and amazing. 

Keeping up with the Kardashians: Art History

When the human race is finally wiped out in the near future, aliens will arrive and exchange perplexed glances when they see the relics of Kim Kardashian’s narcissism. They will find perfume bottles shaped in her likeness and a strange shrine of her in Kanye West’s home, and they will search for the sacred text that warrants her worship.

Instead, they are only able to find an incredibly boring reality show known as Keeping up with the Kardashians. I know, it is hard to imagine the show as esoteric art, but one day it will be. 

90 Day Fiancé: Psychology 

Congratulations Psych majors! You have the best show on the list. 90-Day Fiancé is about couples who go through the K-1 Visa process. One person is American and has 90 days to marry their lover, and if they don’t get married, their partner must leave the country. There are also colorful spin-offs, like Before the 90 Days and 90 Day Fiancé: The Other Way. 

Psychology majors would have the insight to identify and analyze the frequent gaslighting and emotional immaturity displayed by almost everyone on the show. If you like hot messes and the smell of desperation, this show is definitely for you. 

Watch toxic people navigate the treacherous waters of international dating, and often, relationships with major power dynamics at play. This show was created by The Learning Channel, so make sure you take notes for your psychoanalysis. 

Flavor of Love: Economics 

If you’re not familiar with Flavor of Love, the premise is similar to the Bachelor but with more flavor (duh). The VH1 program centers around 20 women competing for rapper Flavor Flav’s affections. It is the pinnacle of early 2000s entertainment. You’ve been living under a rock if you haven’t seen memes of “New York” Tiffany Pollard. 

Economics majors will appreciate the perfect demonstration of supply and demand. Allow me to explain: A high supply of women vying for a singular Flavor Flav’s love leads to high demand for large clocks. I think Gordon Ford College of Business professors could even do away with economics textbooks and play this show instead. Two words: Bye Pumpkin! 

Love After Lock Up: Criminology 

This is a hidden gem of reality TV. Incarcerated people meet online or write letters to a “love interest” on the other side, and sometimes they have never even met in real life. Once the incarcerated person is released and they meet in person, the relationship quickly unravels at an alarming rate, like within half a day. 

Criminology majors would understand things on the show that boggle my mind, such as why so many re-offend almost instantly upon their release. More importantly, why is every relationship on the show a dumpster fire? If poor judgment tickles your fancy, this show is for you. 

Dance Moms: Dance 

Dance Moms is about wealthy suburban middle-aged women attempting to live out their dreams through their daughters, even though their dance teacher Abby Lee Miller displays overt favoritism and unethical behaviors. 

This one might be a bit literal, but I imagine dance majors would at least understand what the heck Abby Lee Miller is screeching about. Hopefully, you have had much nicer dance instructors in your lifetime. Six-year-old me would have been crying in her tutu. 

Commentary writer Christina West can be reached at [email protected].