Which Zoom personality are you?

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Kelley Holland

With many online courses meeting through Zoom, we’ve been getting a glimpse into the lives of our peers… Whether we want to or not. Video conferencing in these unprecedented times can be rather interesting. Which Zoom personality are you?

The Drinker

This person ALWAYS has a drink in hand. Every time you look at them on your screen, they’re drinking something. Water, soda, maybe even coffee. Sometimes you wonder if they’re going to float away in the middle of class. Where are they storing all of this liquid? It seems like they’re endlessly thirsty. Sometimes you wonder if there’s actually alcohol in that cup. There must be. 

The One Who’s Always In Bed

You’re trying to pay attention to your professor and suddenly– Is that person laying down? You can definitely see a pillow under their head. You wonder if getting out of bed was a mistake. I want to lay down, too… This isn’t fair. Wait, are their eyes closed? They’re taking a nap? Sometimes you can only see the top of their head, which leaves you to wonder if they’re paying attention at all. Good thing their mic is muted, or we’d hear their snores.

The One Who Keeps Their Mic On

Please mute your mic. We don’t want to hear your parents arguing in the background or your younger sibling crying. We don’t want to hear your dog barking either. With the slightest movement, everyone can hear rustling. And if you’re too close to the mic, we can hear you breathing too. Please stop.

The Vaper/Smoker

There’s always that one person who can’t get through an hour-long Zoom lecture without vaping, smoking, or hitting a Juul. You look up and see smoke covering their screen. Sometimes they do it multiple times throughout the lecture. At least turn your camera off…

The One On the Move

The one person on Zoom who is constantly in movement. They seem to carry their laptop or phone with them throughout the house. You’re pretty sure they’ve been in at least three different rooms throughout the duration of this Zoom class. If they wanted to give us a house tour so badly, they could have asked. 

The Chatterbox

It seems like there’s always at least one person who is holding a conversation with someone else in the room with them. Sometimes their mic is on, but it’s usually off. You can see them turned, facing someone else and talking, not bothering to pay attention to the lecture. Why did you even show up?

The One Without a Camera

There’s always one. A black box with a name in white text. No camera, no sound. The only reason you know they’re actually there is because they keep using the clapping and thumbs up emoji in response to what the professor is saying.

The No Show

Since classes resumed online, there’s probably at least one person that never came back. Every time you log into the Zoom meeting, you look at the participants and that person is always missing. They gave up, apparently. But can we blame them?  

Features reporter Kelley Holland  can be reached at 270-745-6291 and [email protected].